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A letter to her beloved


It’s been a minute. Tsk, let’s be more literal. It’s been weeks. Five weeks since I last talked to you. To tell you the truth, I have been avoiding you. You see, when I see you, my heart beats so fast and so loud that sometimes, my ears can’t take it.

When you take those quick steps towards me, my heart begins to skip several beats. I get concerned that it might fail.

When you stand in front of me and look into my eyes, I drown in the black whirling pool, and every sane thought flees.

When you talk to me, in that… heavy? yes, heavy, and vibrating voice, my body shivers because of something that is definitely not the freezing weather.

See, at first, I thought that it was merely a tiny flame that would eventually burn out. A short-lived crush. It however seems that I was wrong because it’s been one year and yet it still burns brighter than it did the very first day. I am scared because it appears that in the single year that we’ve spent side by side my heart grew to care. In fact, it cares so much that I am worried about it. Let me tell you why, let me tell you the secrets it holds. Every single time you are happy it flutters. It feels like a blossoming flower. Every time you are sad, it tightens. In fact, it feels too tight, that it hurts. It hurts so much that one time I thought that the vessels had burst open, good to know I was wrong. Anyway, when you are away it feels empty, and my existence suddenly feels full of loneliness.


You know what, for the first time my brain and heart agree. Because recently I have found that it thinks only of caring and protecting you.


I’ve been thinking, but I dare not imagine that all this amounts to love. For that would mean that I am in love with you, wouldn’t it? Ah, if for a moment it is discovered that I am indeed in love with you, then it would be sad, won’t it? Sad that I had to fall deeply for one that does not reciprocate the feelings, or tell me flame, do you care for me as I care for you? Do you wish to protect and defend me from everything and nothing as I wish to do for you?

In short, what I am trying to say in so many words is, I am scared of the flame that burns for you within me. I do not know if letting it burn, will serve as a light or will allow the fire to burn me to ashes thus, I can’t help it; every time I see you, the parts of my mind that remain sensible whisper one thing, RUN. RUN LEMI, LEST YOU BURN.



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